


The Nihilism of Time

by NormanBabcock



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Other, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NormanBabcock/pseuds/NormanBabcock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After thirty five attempts of trying to finish the No Mercy Route, you find yourself to be incredibly tired, and you decide to reflect on your actions, if only for a moment. Major spoilers to both the True Ending, and the No Mercy run!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Nihilism of Time

There is something to be said about you, and that is that you are someone who is incredibly weak to giving up to your curiosities. Your current sins are a proof of that.

The Judgement Hall has become something of a staple now. You are so used to the visions of it, the walls, the flooring, the pillars that stand all around you, looming and everlasting, just as this moment that you are so deeply suspended in. You could even memorize just how many of them there were now, because every time you stepped back out, you could count them as you walked by; fifteen was the number, and it would be in exactly fifteen pillars that you would see him again. Though you wish you didn’t each time.

It wasn’t as though you were tired of dying, a part of you being frustrated in the beginning, but now, with each frustrated slam into the cold floor, with each feeling of bones being pushed through your flesh, piercing your S O U L, you felt nothing but a vague, distant sadness. You just wanted this to end, to get straight to the point, you didn’t want this to drag out, you didn’t want to constantly have to fight this being you once called a friend, an ally, a companion for life. All you wanted was to end his life as if one was ripping off a bandaid; painful for that first moment, but ultimately, dulled and forgotten once it’d finally be done. Still, there was no room for apologies now, and he was far beyond that point.

You were currently on attempt thirty five, and one could tell that the both of you were getting exhausted, yet something kept pressing you forward, something called DETERMINATION. In the beginning, your DETERMINATION was what saved these creatures from their loneliness, their torment in the underground, and rose them up to the sun, allowing them peaceful, wonderful lives, their dreams being utterly met in nearly every way. You remember the excitement of Papyrus’ face the moment he bought that new car, you remember being called by Alphys, and Undyne, who were both so very, very excited about their beach date. You remember Mettaton’s excitement at being able to finally preform with Napstablook, and Shyren, and create a band that would make them the most popular musicians in the world.

You remember it all, but here you are, and your clothes are starting to feel uncomfortable from all of the dust.

Before you step toward him for attempt thirty six, you decide to take a moment to just sit on pillar ten. You were close enough that Sans could see you, but you were distant enough that one could tell you weren’t quite ready yet. In his perspective, this probably looked reliving to him, if only because this was a sign that you were giving up, but you weren’t, not yet anyways.

No, you wanted to sit down for a moment, and think, since that’s all you’d been doing anyway, given that this wasn’t going as quickly as you hoped, and one could think more clearly when not dodging large, skeletal faces, that could only be described as horrifying. Sans stood far in the distance, and you supposed he was cautious, which was understandable, but you doubted you could hit him anyway, even if this was a slightly good way to throw him off guard, this brief moment of rest being so different from your constant, never ending onslaughts from earlier. You continue to think about the friends you’ve given up for the sake of curiosity, the souls you have broken, and you really, genuinely, wonder why. You knew that at least some of it was your own curiosity, that was absolutely certain, but you couldn’t quite explain what was driving you forward. It wasn’t as though you were really enjoying this, their actions upon death being utterly heart wrenching, but for some reason, you kept going.

Was this DETERMINATION? Was this what it truly could be, and really, was it even your own?

Who knew.

“so uh,” Came the familiar voice, and you looked up, nervously clutching that knife close to you. Even if one has died thirty five times, that doesn’t quite mean they get used to it completely, but Sans was still a fair distance away, the echo in the large hall just making it easier to communicate from safety. “i don’t know if this is some kind of sneaky tactic you think you’re pulling, but its not gonna work. i’ve been fooled a lot in my life kid, but this is probably the laziest attempt i’ve seen yet.”

He’d been harping at you for awhile, whether it be for mocking you for your constant deaths, or just brutally calling you a “Dirty brother killer.”, and each time it cut you a little deeper, but you remained expressionless, not wanting to show him just how much this was hurting you, because what would it matter? You then put the knife back to your side, and look back down to the floor, and you would have returned to your thoughts, but the Skeleton spoke again.

“seriously, don’t tell me after, what, thirty six tries, you’re just gonna quit? heh, i mean, hey, sure would make my day better, but i figured you’d try to go at least one more time, not that it’ll really matter.” He then added, keeping that usual smile on his face, and you had wondered many times if it was a permanent fixture, or if he could actually make other expressions, but that was a fleeting thought. No, instead, you remained silent, and looked down onto the ground, and thought again.

You decided to speak.

“Does any of this matter?”

That seemed to jar him. You weren’t looking at him, but you could hear him step back, the softness of his shoes just making the slightest noise against the smooth flooring. You hadn’t spoken much during this, not really seeing a reason to do so, but now, in this moment of consideration, you decided you would like some answers, and out of everyone here, Sans seemed to be the most wise, the most self aware, and you wanted some answers, though it would be questionable if he would even give them to you.  
He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but he just gave a soft laugh. It wasn’t warming, or genuine, but it was a laugh. “kind of seems like the worst time to be asking something like that, don’t you think?”, He asked you back, and you nodded. It was. It was stupid to ask, as if there was any going back now, as if suddenly, out of no where, you just suddenly gained your morals. It was hilarious.

At least Sans found that funny, and in a way, you did too.

“if you’re thinking none of this matters, i’m not exactly gonna stop you from quitting. that was kind of the whole point of this, so.” He then added, and with that, you noticed he started to step a little closer to you, but not by much. Maybe because he was genuinely curious himself now, but you still didn’t feel like attacking, despite how much a certain voice in you was screaming that this was the perfect advantage to do so. You didn’t know where this voice was coming from, but you didn’t like it. You didn’t like it then, you don’t like it now, but it was the only thing that had kept you going.

“if you’re doin this because you think i’m suddenly just gonna pity you, that’s a pretty bad move. i had a lot of forgiveness in my heart once kid, but mercy’s been off the table since the moment i saw you step out of the ruins.” He stated, getting a little more insistent, and you suppose it was because one preferred a constant familiarity, rather than something new, even if that repeated action was to murder another, at least it was understood.

“I’m just tired.” You answer, figuring there was no point to lie, and because honestly, you were. You were so tired of this, you were so tired of fighting, not only out of frustration, but because your sins were growing, and growing, and one’s back can only take so much pressure before finally, it crushes, and you haven’t felt your spine in quite awhile. Yet again, he stands there in silence, and you wonder if in this moment, he’ll take advantage of your admittance to weakness, using this opportunity to pierce those bones through your chest, or use one of the large skulls to blast you into nothingness, but instead, he laughs again, filling the hall with an uncomfortable echo, before you hear a sudden thud.

You look over, and he is on pillar twelve, resting his back against it, sitting there, staring off at the stained glass windows beside them. He is close to you now, and that voice returned, screaming to you that this was absolutely perfect, that he was handing himself to you, that you should take this and end the suffering of you both, to take that knife and slash him to ribbons, to make him another cloud of dust in the sky. Instead, you look back at those windows with him, noticing you’d never counted those, and you decided you would do that right now, and you would fight him again, and repeat the familiar, rather forced process, but right now, you wanted to count, and think. However, you then heard him speak, and you looked over to him. He looked as though he were about to fall asleep, but he still had that same, simple smile on his face, so full of an exhaustion that, between the two of them, was shared, but for different reasons.

“me too, kid.”


End file.
